Monthly Archives: September 2011

Moving – Bittersweet

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We’re getting ready to move. Again. We’ve moved a few times in our marriage. Not as many as some people, but more than others. We lived in MN for our first 2 years, ND for the next 1.5 years, Then here, in PA for 5.5 years. This is the longest we have lived anywhere since being married, since being parents, and since being employees. I have reached the 5 year mark at my work, that is the longest I have worked at one place, ever.

This move has been in the works for about 4 years now. Journey Man has been “casually looking” for a job back “home” since he left the job we moved here for. We have been in a state of “probably going to move” for 4 years. We’ve gotten good at the limbo. There have been many times I thought the move was really coming. A few times I started collecting packing boxes. I turned down an opportunity once because I suspected we would be moving in a few months. That was almost 4 years ago. I am thankful that I stopped doing that. I started a ladies Bible study, with a co-leader, expecting I would be moving in a few months and she could take over. I was with that AMAZING group of women for 2.5 years! I have developed the closest friendships I have here in just the last year. I am so glad I continued to live in this journey even though our moving date was always an underlying tba date. Even, just 4 months ago, we thought we were about to move. Thought things were coming together and our kids would start the year at their new school. They didn’t, they started here. And they have been doing well. It’s been good. I have learned and grown so much in this time.

But now, now we have a date. Maybe. Technically, we are still waiting for the bank to approve the sale of our house before we can really really count on that date. But this is the most real this moving thing has been thus far. And with that reality, comes the real feelings. For 4 years, it’s been a thought, an idea. We were moving eventually. I never really felt it. But now I do. And now I’m sadder than ever. So many moments I think, “I’m going to miss this”, at the strangest things. Those little things that just take time. I’m not looking forward to starting over again. Not knowing names, not having history with friends, making small talk, not knowing how I fit in, not knowing who is being polite and who really wants me around. But those are the more obvious things. Recently, I’ve thought, while driving on the back roads to avoid traffic, I’ll miss knowing how to get places. I will have to use the gps to get to the grocery store! And at work, I know so many people, I’ve worked on most of the floors. I know how to get to the lab, and MRI and CT and the cafeteria. I know most of the phone numbers I use without having to look them up. Doctors who say hello and know my name, co-workers who recognize my voice on the phone when I call report. I will miss knowing, and being known. Sigh. I’ll know them again, I will be known again, but not for a while. And that’s not exciting.

On the other hand, this move is best for our family. To get Journey Man back into his career, instead of being the stay-at-home dad. Although, he has done a great job at that and it has been wonderful for him to be with our kids in that way. It will be good for his confidence and his ego. You know, the man of the house, bringing home the bacon. And it will be nice to get me back home. Instead of working full time. Back to Suzie homemaking! But I will continue working a little, eventually, because I do love my career too. And it will be wonderful to get the Littles closer to the Grandparents and Cousins, that is going to be great for them and great for my heart too.

So, so, so bittersweet. I will totally miss it here. But in the end, I keep holding on to this, it will be good. That word has resonated with me so much lately. He is good, He has organized this, He will make it good, it will bring about good for Him. I keep thinking about this, “Of Course he isn’t safe. But he is good.” He is Good. (And now I’ve typed that word so many times it doesn’t look right.)

Good night. ~ Taylor

Jumping In

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Getting a move on.

I want to do this. I want to share my thoughts and connect with others who understand. To encourage those who are on their own journey, and get encouragement from those who have gone before. The previous post was sitting in my Drafts bin. It still probably isn’t finished. But I just posted it anyway. There are two others in that bin. They have titles, but no writing. Many days I have ideas of what to put here. But I don’t. I’m nervous. Shy. Lazy.

Today that changes. I’m just going to jump in. As a nurse, I still, after 10 years, hesitate every time I give an IM shot (not SC, they’re easy…except Lovenox b/c it burns). Anyway, I digress….when I give a shot, I still think in my head, “just do it”. I have to just go for it, get it over with. So, I want to do that here. Just share my thoughts and post. Let the journey progress. And you know what, I’m going to post those titles. They are part of my beginning here.

Things I will do and will never do…

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Before we are parents we all have things in our mind that we are totally going to do…and we have things in mind that we will NEVER do!!…and when it comes down to it, we parent the best we know how in the moment. I’ve done plenty I said I wouldn’t. I’ve not done some things I really wanted to. But, I’m still learning and growing and changing. And, so far, my kids have survived.

And now, I sit here working on this new blog. Wanting to make it my own. Trying to figure out what it will be. So far, the times I’ve thought to write were times when I was down or angry. Wanting to vent. I don’t want it to be a place I whine or complain. But I do want it to be a place I can be real. And for real, life can be tough and sometimes I’ll need a place to vent.